I am truthful with myself.
I am on the precipice of self discovery in the second half of life (yes, I’m living until 100!). There are things I still want to do. And whatever I do, if it’s fine with others, great, if not, they can find the exit door.
I’m over 50 and I’m a grandmother.
After fifty, you can no longer handle certain restrictions.
I can’t stand a tight bra or forced dinners with anyone I don’t vibe with.
I have learned to care for a body that is changing. I have finally come to love my shape and it’s one that grows more imperfect, but only in the eyes of others. I’m impulsive, I eat well and I still allow myself to have the foods that might affect my shape.
Who cares if half of my wardrobe is the wrong size.
What matters is that my back doesn’t creak too much when I stand up and I don’t yell out in pain.
After fifty, I want freedom.
Free to snuggle granddaughters all day. Free to roam antique stores. Free to spend hours with friends. Free to grab my hubby and hit the road for a day or two.
I am free to say no, free to stay in pajamas all Saturday, Sunday (and M-F), free to feel beautiful for myself and not for others. Free to write. Free to explore the fringes of life that I avoided during my early life. I’m shining and allowing the universe to guide me.
I am free to sing loudly in my car, even if people stare at me at traffic lights. I dance as if it might be the very last time. I no longer have report cards to check or parent teacher meetings.
I have dreams like when I was twenty, and I ask God every day for time to achieve more. I’m grateful to be healthy, happy, and shining a light on my past adversities.
And after devouring half of my life in big bites, I am discovering the desire to slowly savor each day and all the sweetness and salt that I’m nibbling.
I am exceptionally happier now that I am FREE!
Natalie Mosley Klenotic
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