Underestimated

The worst mistake my abusers made was to abuse a writer.

I’ve had journals and diaries since I was 7 years old.

I wrote my first book when I was 8 and my mother still has it. I created comics from the age of 8-13.

I was on the school newspaper in 8th grade-my sophomore year.

I write when I’m happy, sad, confused, and energetic. I’m always writing and when social media began, I was in my element. I have often had people tell me that my page is the first one they read in the morning. My social media has never been false or fake. I say it here and I say the same thing in person.

My family thought, mistakenly, that my memoir (See You Later Life Calling Me from Beyond) would detail my sadness at losing my sailor to a tragic death on his ship.

Baby, I told it allllllll. Well, nearly all. There’s always more, because narcissists have endless ways to hurt others.

Extended family,

You thought my occasional silence would protect you.

You thought my shame would keep me quiet.

But words are how I survive, how I heal, how I expose truth, because they always have been.

Being brave isn’t about being different, it’s about being yourself.

Every manipulation, every lie, every moment you tried to break me lives in my memory with brutal detail.

I didn’t forget. I lived for awhile without being stagnantly trapped in my past.

I processed.

I have always relied on my language. My method of writing.

Stories don’t need permission.

Truth doesn’t need approval.

I’m not telling it for revenge.

I’m telling it for clarity, healing, upward trajectory, and for the men and women who felt crazy while being surrounded by narcissists. If you connect to all of the above, as you are reading this, you are finally felt and seen.

You underestimated me, my entire life.

You called me toxic and bitter when I expressed not ever feeling love from my parents.

That was your last mistake.

#survivor #author #lifequake #wordsmith #narcissisticfather #motherwound