Scapegoat

It’s hard to deepen the intimacy in a relationship when we feel we can’t say stuff or there are parts of ourselves we need to hide.

It’s true that different relationships “pull” for different parts of us. We’re a slightly different person at work than we are at home; we’re a slightly different person to our romantic partner than we are to our friends; we’re a slightly different person to our family than we are to strangers.

But if a relationship is predicated on us being a “version” of ourselves that ducks and dodges essential truths about who we are…it’s hard to feel emotionally safe.

Emotional safety is a big deal in relationships. Having to be on guard against being mocked or humiliated in our close relationships is exhausting— and very, very lonely.

If you feel that there are certain relationships in which you have to hide significant parts of who you are, that’s not your fault. It’s not that you’re “that bad” or “that weird.”

I wish all our relationships were emotionally safe— but they’re not going to be. Especially relationships we didn’t choose.

Even if we’re not fully accepted “out there” by “them”— it’s really important we not deny and disown parts of who we are, inside our own head and heart.

It’s really important WE embrace and respect all of who WE are— even the parts that “they” reject or aren’t interested in.