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The struggle

When I think about my extended family, I'm filled with a swirling fear of them resurfacing and wreaking havoc on my calm life. A narcissists snare is far reaching and cumbersome, because it's often looming in the corners of your mind. I drift off in thought and remember the brutal nature of my father in my childhood and it followed long me into my adulthood. His nature did not dissipate simply because I grew up, it shifted into deeper deceit. He positioned himself as the patriarch he imagined himself to be, by pitting my mother and brother against me. He used their easier more malleable demeanors to his advantage. He thwarted any attempt by me to convince them of his evil ways. They are lost to me and that loss came after my willful discussions and letters, begging them to walk away from him. I carried memories of my abusive childhood to them and I was not heard. They walked away from me. My father convinced my mother to threaten lawsuits after my first attempts at opening up my past and sharing it on social media. My mother was his forever partner in never taking my side. My brother was lost to me, because he had no voice of his own and allowed them to speak in his stead. They both have each other now and there is something so broken about that fact. Two lost family members, who now feel as if they were abused by my father are together, when I did everything to have that duo be a trio. I'm a third wheel who led the way toward open acknowledgment of my having been raised in an abusive family. My torchlight was a glowing fire long before theirs was ever lit. Do I wish they'd listened to me, decades ago? Sure. I could not wait for their reckoning to begin when I was deep within bringing my own to the world. I wrote in order to escape the daily thoughts of always feeling outnumbered. I was right and I doubt that they will ever allow themselves to say that, but for me, it's enough knowing it.

See You Later is only the beginning...decades of deceit will eventually come to light.


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