The covert narcissist fails to develop empathy, self-awareness, or a stable sense of identity.
Covert narcissists avoid the spotlight and prefer passive-aggressive means of controlling others.
Tactics of a covert narcissist might include belittling, triangulation, and avoiding direct responsibility.
The flamboyance of overt narcissists can make them pretty easy to identify, but what about the covert narcissist in your life?
***Recognizing covert personality traits requires looking beyond obvious appearances, past common assumptions and expectations. For this reason, covert narcissism is more difficult to spot, and it can take years to recognize it in someone you think you know well. But the good news is that once you become aware of the patterns and signs of covert narcissism, you aren’t likely to miss them again.
If you see many or most of these attitudes and behaviors in a person you know, you’re probably dealing with someone who suffers—and makes others suffer—with covert narcissism.
Textbook passive aggressive behavior traits
Criticizes and judges from the sidelines
Is condescending
Is threatened by honesty and directness
Swings between idealizing and devaluing him-/herself and others
Denies and dismisses others’ feelings
Cultivates a public image sharply different from his/her private behavior
Identifies as a victim
Mirroring behavior and traits of those they falsely appear to dislike. Envious of all.
Makes unreasonable demands
Turns your problems into his/her dramas
Belittles and blames
Exploits and/or attacks others’ vulnerability
Is reactive to questioning or criticism
Plays on sympathies
Fakes or exaggerates illness
Withholds and stonewalls
Gaslights
Avoids introspection and lacks self-awareness
Uses platitudes in place of genuine insight
Denies own accountability
Focuses on unfairness
Is envious and shallow
Prefers to remain behind the scenes
Gossips
Triangulates
Holds a grudge
Needs reassurance
Is inattentive or annoyed when others talk
Has double standards
Hates to lose
Fixates on others’ problems and misfortunes
Flatters and fawns to win favor
Displays rage and contempt in private
Resists making genuine decisions
Does not sincerely apologize
Avoids direct responsibility
Has an exaggerated sense of entitlement
Is impressed by the overt narcissist’s appearance of confidence

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