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Abandoned as an adult

My mother abandoned me. That really hurts my heart. I’d rather slit my wrists than never see my daughter and grandchildren again and that’s not being dramatic, that’s simply proving a heartfelt point.


How could she?

Mom…you are unbelievably hurtful. I could never have kicked you out of my home when I was housing you, and protecting you, so how could you just walk away and know that you’d never see me again? The price I paid, was having you for my mother. Isn’t that enough? I never get to have memories of a mother hugging and loving me and I still stayed in your life. I wasn’t adopted, so I can’t use that crutch like you do. You gave birth to me and failed me over and over and over and over. That was your complete choice.


How could my mother let me house her repeatedly, after being hurt by my father, only to stop talking to me, because she preferred him over me? If I had low self esteem, like I did as a child, that exit of hers could have quite literally destroyed me. To literally be cast aside for the man who treated her terribly? That’s not weakness, so do not come to me and say she was not strong enough to walk away. I never asked her to choose between my father or me, she created that ugly scenario all on her own. She did that. I could have never seen my father ever again, and still had a relationship with my mother, easily. I never called her out on never hugging me or telling me that she loved me…I loved her in spite of her failings and that was still not enough for her. Not once did she ever say that my father wanted her to choose between the two of us, either. She did that.


I don’t think she has a motherly bone in her body.


To imagine walking away from my girls and never be in their lives ever again, is simply unspeakable. Never. Never would I live with a man who abused my little girl throughout her childhood, only to abandon her, after that daughter has escaped him, many years later. Who does that? Who tells their daughter to stop bringing up the past and never hugs her or tells her that she loves her?

My mother does that, because that is who she is. She’s not traumatized, she’s selfish. My mothers life had to remain the same and having a daughter who was done living silently and allowing Frank’s shitty behavior was a nuisance, I guess.

My kids were 18, 12, and 9 when she vanished, never showing for her granddaughters high school graduation, a month after my father said that he was done with me. My mother made it 30 days, and then that enabler followed her husband into my history.

It’s hard to reconcile all of that within myself. I don’t have to be okay with it. And that does not mean that it eats me up, it simply means that I refuse to ever forgive that kind of behavior.


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